I’m not going to sugarcoat it, breastfeeding for me was a nightmare wrapped up in an idealistic image of an over-flowing, milk-drenched boob. Needless to say it was everything but a fabulous experience.

Lack of knowledge (genuinely just assumed baby would attach and away we would go), a particularly moody night-duty nurse, pain, confusion, not to mention the barrage of after-birth hormones which could open floodgates without a moment’s notice — an uphill struggle is an understatement.

Two healthy bottle-fed kids later, hindsight has shown me it was the pressure of breastfeeding that made the situation far worse than it ever had to be. Whether you breastfeed, don’t, or do something in between, the stigma surrounding the topic causes unexplainable anxiety for many new, and even experienced, mums out there.

The above was something I experienced thanks to the pressure I unknowingly (or perhaps knowingly but couldn’t control) put on myself, without any input from the outside world. But many out there are hugely influenced by what others think, say and do. For some reason I never worried about what people thought when I was breastfeeding in public, pumping at work or mixing a bottle of formula for my two-month-old newborn (shame on me, as one lovely lady once told me across a coffee shop table). But for others, the stigma around the topic causes so much anxiety and judgement, the mounting feelings cut a breastfeeding journey short for both mum and bub. It’s criminal really.

A critical barrier to the continuation of breastfeeding is returning to work after maternity leave. With maternity leave so crazy short in the UAE (just 45 calendar days, which means weekend days are included), it’s hard to contemplate the idea of doing it in your workplace. It’s such a personal journey and now all of a sudden you have to lock yourself in a room, attach an electrical device to your boob and play music to cover up the sound of someone milking a cow in a neighboring conference room. I can remember flicking through photos of my little one as I pumped in a desperate bid to feel the “connection” that was supposed to encourage the ‘let down’ required to help me produce as much milk as possible. The dread I used to feel because I couldn’t pump often enough for fear of co-workers and seniors noticing and having a good old moan about the numbers of minutes I was away from my desk. It’s a minefield or fear, worry, guilt (and we carry enough of this as mothers) and it eventually resulted in me ditching the boob and the pump and reaching for the formula.

In January 2011, Attorney Elizabeth Beck, during a deposition against a Donald J.Trump real estate development company, requested a break, as she urgently needed to pump breastmilk. She had negotiated these ‘medical breaks’ prior to the deposition, but the opposing attorneys showed resistance to her request at this point in the deposition. Finally, she pulled out her breast pump and said, “No I really need to pump breastmilk.” Beck said it was not her intent to pump there in the room, just that she needed to take a break to do this. She said, “Trump got up, his face red, and he shook his finger at me and screamed ‘You’re disgusting! You’re disgusting,’ and he ran out of there” (quoted in Bertsche, 2015). Beck said it was clear to her that ‘disgusting’ was directed toward pumping breastmilk, whereas Mr. Trump contended he was addressing her attempt to use her condition to stall the deposition for her own advantage (Bertsche, 2015). Media focus on this incident afforded a unique opportunity to examine online public responses to pumping breastmilk at work.

This 2011 story re-emerged on July 29, 2015 in a Yahoo! Parenting online news story that generated over 11,000 public comments, not only because it involved Trump, but also because breastfeeding remains somewhat stigmatised in the US. A federal statute requires businesses to provide lactating mothers with adequate time and space to pump breastmilk. Yet, many mothers have reported negative reactions to requests to pump breastmilk during work and absence of comfortable, well-equipped facilities to pump breastmilk. Breastfeeding rates are known to decline when attitudes are negative or the workplace does not accommodate lactating mothers, hence this particular incident—nicknamed ‘Pumpgate’—striking a chord with thousands of people around the world.

Many factors can affect a mum’s ultimate decision, from maternal inexperience and lack of breastfeeding support, limited maternity leave, difficulty of pumping breastmilk in professional settings, and lack of public support for extended breastfeeding and negative reactions to breastfeeding in public. So why is it viewed so uncomfortably by so many? It’s just a boob, let’s get real people!

As for those mums riddled with guilt over offering formula, stop right there. Ditch the guilt and move on, because the perceptive little thing you’re holding each day will ultimately pick up on your feelings. Even with formula, you can foster a deep attachment that lays the foundation for a lifetime. Breastfeeding is not THE determining factor of raising a well-adjusted, healthy happy child. Cuddling, talking, singing, getting down and doing tummy time together, dancing, going for walks, and many other meaningful moments do not rely on the breast. New parents often set their expectations too high. Other families may seem like they have it all together but as a society, we tend to not be open about our early struggles with parenthood.

The many stigmas need to be changed. Companies must work with corporate partners and small businesses to create breastfeeding friendly workplaces and a climate of support among coworkers for lactating mothers in the workplace, as well as out and about in public places. Strangers need to start championing those mums brave enough to feed wherever they need to, and the judgement over “breast being best” needs to stop. Feeding is best and kids will thrive with love, mums with support and working women with the structure around them to achieve both a career and a healthy family.

Afterall, multi-tasking? It’s all a doddle.

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